Notrees (Texas), Mushaboom (Nova Scotia), and Hookey’s Waterhole (Australia) — they still believe Santa Claus will find them if they use smoke signals from blazing barbecues, outdoor cooking stoves, and hot coals from campfires.2. Does Santa worry about his fat intake over Christmas like everyone else?
North Pole thrives on carrots and brussel sprouts, 57 blubber recipes, plus a weekly serving of fish and chips, supplemented by Girl Guide Cookie or Hostess Twinkie treats — a perfectly balanced diet for pleasingly plump parents and a lean pack of elves with attitude.3. How does Santa get down the chimney when the fire is going?We’re back to those blessed chimneys are we?!* Santa wears a fire-retardant suit silly!4. How does Santa’s huge body fit through those itsy-bitsy chimneys?What’s with the f***** chimneys again?
Santa presses his “Mighty Magic Midget Button” on his red tunic faster than you can shake a stick or something.5. What exactly are reindeer games’ anyway?Are you over 18, in good health, and seeking a pleasurable companion for a night out?6. Why does Santa visit people only once a year?There’s a clause in Fairy Godmothers’ Union contract stipulating that in the event of a decision by Santa to visit more frequently, there will be hell to pay from a whole host of hissy-fitters not to mention a hopping mad Easter Bunny.7. Who brings Santa his Christmas gifts?
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